Yeah yeah, we’ve all debated this before. But let’s be honest; this gets murky fast when one person has (or had) feelings.
Let me just say it:
I actually don’t think men and women can stay close friends if there’s romantic history or lingering attraction.
And I personally wouldn’t date a guy whose “best friend” is a woman he once had feelings for. WHY? Because then I’m not just dealing with a friend, I’m dealing with a “what if”or “a maybe someday”. A human pause button on his emotional availability.
Could You Stay Close Friends With Someone You Once Wanted? Be real. Could you?
Or better yet, imagine your girlfriend has a male best friend she used to hook up with. She swears it’s nothing now. Would that sit well with you? Exactly. I didn’t think so.
Sometimes girlfriends (and boyfriends) can feel when there’s more going on.
Even if the words say “just friends,” the energy says “unfinished business.”
It’s time for a little game I like to call… .KEEP or CUT
A lightning round of questionable friendship scenarios. You ready? No thinking. Just shoot from the hip.
Your best friend is your ex. You’re both over it, totally platonic now. Your girlfriend says she’s not okay with it.
Keep or Cut?
You’ve got a female friend who flirts a little, but you’ve never crossed the line. Your girl sees the texts and flips.
Keep or Cut?
Your friend always hugs a little too long and calls you “babe”. Keep or Cut?
You and your female friend go to brunch every month. Just the two of you. Your girl says that feels like a date.
Keep or Cut?
Your girlfriend is convinced your friend has feelings for you even though she’s married with kids.
Keep or Cut?
You’ve known this friend since 3rd grade. Your girlfriend says, ‘I just don’t vibe with her.’
Keep or Cut?
Your friend once told you, “If you’re ever single, I’m up for a relationship.” Your girlfriend finds out.
Keep or Cut?
Let’s be real: every one of these scenarios is messy. Because real life is messy. But the point it’s not that you can’t have friends of the opposite sex. The point is: can you keep those friendships in a way that honors your relationship?
If you can’t, maybe it’s not your girlfriend who’s the problem.
Final Thoughts: Boundaries vs. Ultimatums
There’s a difference between setting boundaries and issuing ultimatums. One invites conversation. The other forces control.
So if you’re in a new relationship and the “friend” drama is already starting to bubble up, maybe it’s time to ask:
Is this friend part of my future or just a leftover from my past
Is my partner controlling or just reading between the lines I’m refusing to see?
Am I trying to juggle two people who both deserve clarity?
Whatever your answers, just don’t pretend it’s simple.
Because if it was, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
YOUR TURN:
Have you ever had to end a friendship for a relationship or vice versa? What’s your take on opposite-sex friendships with a history? Email me at info@talkwithfrancesca.com Love to hear from you!