Just yesterday I received a question from a listener that tore my own heart apart. His wife of 27 years has been cheating on him for a year with his boss. And….he’s having nightmares. Tragic. Let me start by acknowledging the devastation of betrayal right upfront.
It doesn’t just hurt. It fractures your sense of safety, identity, and reality.
And if you feel like your world just ripped open…it did.
If the pain is showing up as nightmares, panic dreams, or sleep that feels anything but restful, it’s not random. Your mind, body, and emotions are all trying to make sense of something that feels too big to swallow.
So Let’s Talk About Those Nightmares
Maybe you’re dreaming you’re choking. Maybe you’re trapped. Maybe you’re voiceless.
Or maybe you’re watching something collapse and can’t stop it. You wake up in a sweat.
These dreams can feel dramatic, frightening, even suffocating. But there’s meaning buried inside them.
Choking or being unable to speak might symbolize:
struggling to process an overwhelming truth
feeling forced to accept something horrific
holding in emotions or words you’re scared to express
feeling powerless or unheard
being stuck in an experience you can’t mentally or emotionally digest
Your mind is doing what it can: trying to “process” something your heart hasn’t caught up to yet.
Over time, if not processed, nightmares can intensify. It means your internal system is working overtime to help you survive something that feels impossible.
Trying to Make Sense of the Senseless
Here’s the part people rarely talk about:
Betrayal trauma scrambles your reality questioning yourself, your memories, your own intuition, your ability to trust. The list goes on and on.
But hear this clearly:
You are overwhelmed because something overwhelming happened. Your brain is trying to reorganize a world that suddenly looks nothing like the one you knew.
You deserve support in that process.
Steady yourself while you navigate the emotional aftershocks.
Find a Safe Space to Unload
A trusted friend, counselor, therapist, or support group can help you release the feelings you’ve been swallowing. Not to judge you. Not to tell you what to do.
Just to hold space while you breathe again.
Protect Your Sense of Agency
When betrayal hits, you often lose your footing.
You may not be ready for big decisions and that’s okay.
Exploring your options with someone supportive helps you regain a sense of control even if you don’t act on any of it yet.
Don’t Rush Big Choices
In moments of crisis, the world loves to shout advice. Ignore that noise.
Your next steps should be your own taken when you’re steady enough to stand.
Release the Self-Blame
Betrayal is not something you “cause” by being imperfect.
It’s something someone chooses to do.
Your worth doesn’t decrease because someone else acted without integrity.
Your Dreams Aren’t a Threat
Yes, they’re scary. Yes, they feel real. But they’re not predicting anything.
They’re simply your internal alarm system trying to process emotional overload.
It’s your mind saying: “I’m trying to help you heal. I just need support.”
Lean on People But Choose Wisely
Some people listen. Some people lecture. Right now, seek the listeners.
The ones who say, “I’m here,” not “Here’s what you should do.” Your heart needs presence, not pressure.
And Above All: Let Yourself Feel What You Feel
There is no “correct” timeline. No “right” emotional reaction. No universal rulebook.
There is only your experience, your process, your pace.
Whatever you decide to do next, take space, reconnect, rebuild trust, walk away, or simply breathe moment by moment remember:
You do not have to do this alone.This is survivable. Not easy. Not quick. But survivable.
Every emotion you’re carrying be it fear, anger, numbness, confusion, grief, or disbelief is valid.
BREATHE.