Francesca Luca is a lifestyle coach and creator Love Bites, which airs every Wednesday morning at 9:10 on The South Shore’s Morning News. You can also listen to her on The Francesca Luca Show every Wednesday evening at 8pm.
Listener Question:
“My boyfriend and I have a great physical relationship, but he’s not available for important events. Is he just high-maintenance, or is he a full-blown narcissist?”
This question was addressed in a recent Love Bites segment on the South Shore Morning News with lifestyle coach Francesca Luca, host Rob Hakala, and co-host Beth Foster. You can listen to the discussion on the WATD podcast page. For a deeper dive into narcissism, check out The Francesca Luca Show episode that aired last night—also available on the WATD website.
High-Maintenance vs. Narcissist: What’s the Difference?
There’s a distinction between being high-maintenance and being a narcissist, but the lines can be blurry. Selfishness can easily cross into narcissism, and it’s important to remember that narcissism exists on a spectrum—we all have narcissistic traits to some degree.
But here’s the core issue:
If your emotional needs aren’t being met, why are you staying?
Ask yourself:
Do you even like him?
Does staying with him reflect the life you want?
Is there an underlying reason you feel you don’t deserve more?
These are tough but important questions. Staying with someone who is emotionally unavailable or incapable of true intimacy can leave you feeling unfulfilled—or worse, deeply saddened. If he’s overly focused on his own needs and refuses to settle down or support you emotionally, then you’re at a crossroads.
Be clear: tell him what you need. He’ll either meet those needs—or he won’t. If he doesn’t, the healthiest and most empowering choice may be to leave. Yes, it’s hard—especially when the physical connection is strong—but physical chemistry alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship long-term. Love and emotional support are essential for a healthy partnership.
Five Telltale Signs of a Narcissist:
Lack of empathy: They see your empathy as something to exploit.
No genuine remorse: They may apologize, but expect you to “get over it” quickly. For example: “Okay, fine, I cheated. I’m sorry. Let’s move on.” Compare that to how you’d respond if you hurt someone you truly care about.
No moral compass: They lack a consistent sense of right and wrong.
Emotional distortion: They accuse you of overreacting or being too sensitive.
Gaslighting and control: They manipulate situations to confuse and destabilize you.
How it affects you:
You feel more anxious and less confident.
You constantly question if it’s your fault.
You find yourself apologizing all the time.
You feel a deep sense of unease or emotional instability.
Bottom line:
If this sounds like your partner, it may be time to leave. The longer you stay, the more emotionally disoriented you may become. Trust your instincts, stay grounded in reality, and remember: even a broken clock is right twice a day.
