Written by: Lifestyle Coach Francesca Luca
After 4 years of dating, Amanda’s boyfriend leaves and is dating just 3 weeks later. How can he move on so quickly? Is it possible that the relationship could have started before the breakup?
When your ex recalibrates THAT quickly, it’s disconcerting.
More than likely, he exited emotionally long before he actually physically left. Whether he had started a relationship before the breakup or not, the “healing is in the feeling” rather than determining if he was in a relationship with someone else while with you.
Breakups are difficult but when the other person moves on so quickly, it’s especially so because it’s not just the hurt of the loss but what we often tell ourselves what he means about us as a person. And our inner voice can be pretty insensitive.
We might be thinking that if someone leaves you for another person, they didn’t just bet against YOUR future. They made the bet that this OTHER person brings more to the table than you do. Suddenly our self-worth just fluctuated from “I’m ok to what’s wrong with me.”
It’s a sort of ego death. You can justify why the relationship didn’t work such as: your needs weren’t being met, he was incapable of emotional intimacy or he is just so broken and then suddenly all the things that he couldn’t give to you he gives to someone else! You have been replaced. We berate ourselves with “what does she have that I don’t?” “Obviously, she has more to offer than I ever could.” The list goes on and on. PAAAALEASE! Don’t believe these lies.
A few short questions for you to ask yourself as you are healing……
*Did you ever discuss unmet needs on each other’s part?
*Did he need more freedom? Did you start the relationship shortly after he had just rebounded from another?
*Were there any signs that you ignored that something could be brewing?
In order to begin your healing journey, don’t divert your attention by having a rebound relationship. This is key to your mental well being. In this moment o annihilation, this is an invitation to slay your inner dragon. Begin to have a gentler relationship with yourself. Bigger picture, you have an opportunity to let this go because he is no longer available. May sound trite but true.
Some important things to remember:
How a person feels about you doesn’t define you.
You need to take extra care of yourself.
Avoid checking his social media page and above and beyond anything else, practice the no contact rule.
Remind yourself that it’s ok to feel sad, angry or even numb. Don’t suppress your emotions because again I reiterate “it is in the feelings that there is the healing”.
I interviewed Sarah Lawrence Lightfoot many years ago on her book, “Exit: The Endings That Set Us Free” and I encourage anyone who is ending or has ended a relationship of any kind to consider this resource.
Everyone moves on, some quicker than others. You will too. Promise.
Listen to this week’s Love Bites here:
